I was doing good... I mean I was really doing good. I was sleeping peacefully through the night. I wasn't analyzing every aspect of my life. I was finally accepting the fact that I am a 25 year old woman who is without a significant other. I don't know about you but I was always used to having a boyfriend. Having someone to be there when you get off of work to take you home. Having the feeling of that strong protective hug that lets you know that everything is going to be ok. I know, I know... Im only 25 right? Well 25 to me is like the new 35 these days. My biological clock is tick tick ticking away in this department. Like I said I was doing ok until last night...
I was laying down watching I Am Legend. *sidebar... Will Smith did the damn thing in that movie... thought it was gonna be corny but he looked good and he did the damn thing.* My phone started making noise and it was picture mail. I looked at the name and it said Bruce. First of all, who the fuck is Bruce Im thinking. But he had to be in my phone list since his name came up. Came to the conclusion that it was some random dude I no longer talk to. So I checked the picture mail and upon my screen I see a finger with a ring on it and the message said "Im engaged!!!!" Ok Bruce has a ring on his finger??? Cant be right. So I looked at the phone # it was sent from and it was my best childhood friend who sent it. *sidebar... Sprint is famous for somehow putting another name from your contact list on a different #... I dont get it.*
I forced a smile on my face through clinched teeth... but I got the smile out. I know that sounds bad... she is one of my closest friends since we were about 10 years old. Trust me, I was ecstatic for her... she really deserves a great man and that is what she has. But damn that picture!! Damn it to hell!!! Why did it have to happen in the midst of me accepting being by my damn self???!?? So of course my brain gets to thinking about the future... Am I gonna be the only one out of my friends to be single at 30 years old??? Will all my friends be all loved up with their little husbands and I will be the one that their husbands try to hook up their broke ass friend with???? I dont want to be that girl. I just dont want to be that girl. Women my age always say, " Its ok to be single cuz I can do bad by my damn self." I must admit I have lived by that saying for a while. But for real at 30 years and up Ima want not to be single and I will do bad by myself and with another nigga if need be cuz thats how ima need it to be. Ive seen first hand the affects of being a single woman over 30... its depressing.
All in all Im ok. I am happy for my friend and just hope that one fine day I will feel the same happiness... I better.
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7 comments:
i'm closer to 30 than you, and i feel the same way. its like, i am happy for my friends that have someone, but quietly inside there is a little bit of hate.
i don't really mean anything by it. but being single is gets lonley sometimes.
we'll be okay.
i'm also detirmined not to be that girl. i'm sick of hookups now anyway. i always seem to get the crazy dudes.
Girl i feel the same way, somedays i wake up thinkin am i gonna meet mr. right today? am i ever gonna stop meeting assholes? will i have a happy ever after like u read in the books, or see in the movies?. but im still a buck so i have all the time in the world to find someone. but everyone around is in love and happy BUT ME! I wanna feel like the way they do and be all lovey all dovey with a man of my own!. Your not alone honey i feel that way too. I pray that god will send me someone who can love me everyday til i stop breathin.
Well coming from a single 30 year old with no kids, I will tell you it is depressing as hell. I will not lie to you...to go to sleep at night, Every Night alone is some depressing stuff. Then for some reason all my married and attached girlfriends always call me for advice!!! WTF...I dont get it. Chick cant't you see I have problems of my own!....I mean I dont mind....im always there for them...but I just dont get it....HOWEVER...when I hear all the problems they have...Im kinda glad Im single....and I think about the shyt I went through when I was attached, and im like IM COOL....so Im just gonna wait till HE decides who is right for me, cause everytime I rush, I settle, and i have someone who is unworthy of my love....so just chill, dont look, he will come when the time is right...this is YOU time :).
WOW... had no idea you felt this way. While that isn't my situation right now, I can definitely relate. There have been times where I felt that way, I was even younger than I am now, and shouldn't have probably cared to be with someone. They say it's not supposed to last when you're young. Only few relationships survive the wonder years. We all have times when we feel unfulfilled, no matter what our current situation is. Even if you did have someone right now, there would be bad times, hard times and even times when you feel like saying "goodbye". In the words of Destiny's Child "Aint no feeling like being free" LOL... Trust, I know. I've been with "the boo" for 4 years and although it's lovely, there are still many trials to overcome. In both cases with or without a significant other... the grass will always appear to be greener on the other side. So I wish you well in this area of life, but it aint' all it's cracked up to be. You'd be surprised of the price your friend had to pay to get that ring and what she'll have to do to keep it. I'll keep you in my prayers, I hope that God will send you that man that will love you unconditionally and feels that he can't be without you. Never settle for less. I also started a blog if you wanna check it out. www.idoitwell.blogspot.com
i hear u! i am over 30 and when i was in my twenties i got BORED at 25/26 so i know..i had a kid then from there..u know...LOL..i have a man sometimes its HELL and i wish sometimes i was still single..but then i'm like...i NEED MY MAN!!!!maybe one day if we get our act togther we'll get married...but HANG IN THERE SIS..there's a PRINCE CHARMING for every woman!
ur big sis....
Like everyone else said...you will find someone in due time. i've been with my boyfriend since 03. it is great to have someone who loves you and someone to come home to but honestly your never happy with what you have. i love him to death but sometimes i look at my single friends and how they can just pick up and go clubbin and to the bar every night of the week if they want and i don't have that kind of freedom. not that i'm not allowed but i wouldn't want him to go out everynight till the crack of dawn so i don't. but honestly someone fine, young man is out there searching for mrs. right and one day you guys will find each other. it may not be today, tomorrow or next week but it will happen.
alls i can say is enjoy your freedom. there is something to be gained from being alone. it's easier to find yourself and who you are. it's easier to focus on a career.
there's something to be gained from being alone. find your purpose maybe. it may be boring it may be lonely at times but it can be a great time to explore different things if you allow it. the question is what will you do with you time? will you be ready when mr right comes along? prepare! prepare! prepare!
i know i'm speaking on the outside looking in. i know i'm a man and i'm shacked up. a wise man once said "single people want to be with someone and shacked up people want to be single.
take advantage of ur free time now because it may be harder to do when you shacked up. alot of times we discover we aren't the person that we want to be when mr or ms right comes. we're not ready. we're not prepared.
do you still have family issues? do you black out and sometimes have crazy thoughts? skeletons in ur closet? any crazy addictions? ain't got no control? too good for people? ain't good enough?
we all have some issues to work out between ourselves. better take care of that before mr ms right comes. don't want to bring that in a relationship or do you? might ruin that which God has for u.
what if mr ms right is right around the corney corner? r u really ready?
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